Tender Of Friends

One personal reflection of mine I can make with no hesitation is that I have not been a careful tender of my friendships. When my Father passed away, as family was going through paperwork and photographs I felt strongly that there was great importance in preserving the family history associated with my Father.  In odd ways, I was somewhat successful at that. Odd in this is that through my efforts, I have come across other family members also willing to put in this effort. There is still quite a bit of work that can be done in that effort. But of my friendships, I have not done enough to preserve them through the years. And unlike my family history, my friendship history is personal and therefore it is singularly up to me to preserve.

It has always been an easy thing for me to 'make' friends through the years.  It was something I never questioned. Though I was awkward with the 'opposite' sex, I was able to accumulate a number of very close friends of both sexes through the years.  I don't believe I ever understood how much of a gift that really is.  As now I look back upon the last 56 years, the process of making friends is a very random 'miracle' that we all take for granted.  The events that conspire to bring two people together is a mixture of being at the right time, right place, and right circumstances....and in the right general mood. There must be circumstances of need, and circumstances of giving of oneself to occur that one can not take for granted.

This 'taking for granted' tendency I well understand. I have neglected my friendships over the years in such a way as to allow them to properly decay.  I am a blatant disrespectful of the word 'friendship'. As examples of this is the fact that through the years I very seldom asked people for phone numbers or addresses.  And it was very rare that I took photographs at all, particularly of friends.  In all cases I relied on personal memory to keep the friendship documented.  I allowed the 'friend' to keep photographic documentation of the friendship.  This was a form of neglect and disrespect I would tag upon the friendship.

I have a best friend that I have from before High School. This means that it is a friendship going back 40 years. This friend knows the circumstances of my growing up, problems with family life, and someone who knows well the awkward years of our youth.  As I look through my photographs I have only one picture of him.  I don't have his phone number at all.  He is not on my 'FACEBOOK', and he does not read this blog.  Once or twice a year I simply show up on his doorstep, and it is like we have never been parted, we engage ourselves in Friendship mode.

The number of dear friends I can not contact because of my neglect is quite large. My best friend in elementary school I can not find, though I have been googling around for some time. My first girl friend, even though we did not end our relationship badly, remains unreachable to this day.  I have several international friends I made over the years that I have no clue how to reach. As I said before, I seldom kept addresses, phone numbers, pictures, or letters.

There has been success in rekindling old friendships. My dear UK friend I found years ago and we have rekindled the friendship. He is in the states today and we have found new adventures to get into. Through his return to the States, other old and dear friends have connected from that era.  As these old friendships warm up I am starting to realize just how important this act of making friends really is.  Our families and genes affect our lives, but it is also those friendships (and enemy-ships) that shape our lives too.

At the age I am in now, I don't feel that I am now only looking back on my life as lived. I still am making new friends and starting new relationships, moving in a forward direction. There are still 'adventures' to be had. I am not anywhere near 'done' yet. But I am starting to take a more serious look at how respectfully I treat those old and new friendships. I am and will always be somewhat of a 'private' person, enjoying quiet times and precious moments with my small little family of which I am a patriarch.  But I see too that I must do a little more work to maintain and preserve my very precious friendships.

Cheers, nca